Or “Good morning everyone!” in English. I thought I’d give you a rundown of a typical(!) morning in our house.
Wake up, look at time projected on ceiling, close eyes and go back to sleep.
I think that this is when the elder two boys get up. Eldest informs me that all the good Minecraft videos are uploaded to YouTube overnight, so he always wakes up early to watch them on his tablet before anyone else gets up. This is all supposition as I’m not a morning person. Also, Middlest gets up early, he has his own alarm clock and likes to be up and dozing on the armchair to cartoons before he starts his day!
My alarm clock goes off. Well, it’s really my iPhone that has a creepy app that watches me sleep – its accelerometer measures my movements as it’s on the mattress. When it thinks I’m in light sleep it wakes me up, somewhere between 6:30 and 7 every morning. I let myself have one snooze and then wake up.
Realise I’m slipping in and out of consciousness. It’s very nice and if I could do it at will while listening to a meditation or hypnosis mp3 it’d be awesome. But I have boys to get to school and my alarm is already off. Drag myself out of bed.
I’ve avoided being killed and eaten by our lovely two cats, Shelley a small black moggy and Kira a pure-breed Norwegian Forest Cat. I feed them even before putting on coffee as it’s been hours since any human paid them attention and they’re starving! Kira’s in to the vet today so I shut the doors to the kitchen and living room, making the morning into an obstacle course. Then, coffee and try to figure out what to feed the boys for breakfast. (They’re deep in tablet-world (Eldest) and watching cartoons (Middlest).)
The Wife’s feeling under-the-weather so decides to work from home today. I take her up cup of peppermint tea and paracetamol.
Eldest decides to eat, a hard boiled egg, a chocolate mini-treat (99p for 11 in Adli) and an orange. We are trying to eat paleo in this house so there always low-carb snacks in the fridge. Including boiled eggs that everyone eats although the children don’t eat yokes. Middlest’s turn is over so Eldest puts on Kerrang! TV to wake us all up! I manage to drink some coffee and quickly scan through email, Facebook and read a paper on the laptop.
Eldest takes himself off to catch the bus to school and I pour some cornflakes into the food processor. No, this is not a early morning, brain-fade aberration, but the end of a long process. Middlest likes the bits at the bottom of the cornflake packet that go really mushy, at odds with about 90% of the cornflake eating population. Several months ago, I’d make his cornflakes and leave them in the fridge for ten minutes to go soggy. Then he saw me crushing cornflakes to make beef-burgers and decided this was what he wanted for breakfast. So, using the principle of 3 Rs (Reduce, Re-use, Recycle) I then put cornflakes in old bread bags and hit them with a rolling pin. When we put too many in and they weren’t quite pulverised enough, last week we put them through the food processor and now have something like Orange Porridge. It mixes up pretty much like Ready Brek, but (apparently) tastes of cornflakes.
Go to start the process of waking up Littlest. He rivals me in the “not a morning person” stakes, except he has no responsibilities and no inhibition about throwing a tantrum. After tickling, nagging and bribing with chocolate, he gets out of bed. The Wife gets up and brings Littlest downstairs.
Littlest is showing his usually high levels of both focus and attention. Unfortunately, none of it in useful (to us) directions. He is fascinated by the Relax Kids Mood Trees (seriously, go and Google it, they’re fab!). While I make him Orange Porridge, he first complains he can’t read, then perfectly reads a sentence including the phrase “Amazing Downloads”. The Wife manges to both engage him in reading, and have her work laptop out, starting her day’s work!
Throw a pile of clothes at Littlest, who is still fascinated by everything that doesn’t involve going to school. This time it’s a paper butterfly that he made last week. Again, The Wife distracts him while still answering work emails. The cats have decided that if they’re going to be shut in, then they might as well eat left over Orange Porridge and I don’t have the heart, or the energy to stop them! Check the school dinner menu on the wall, know instinctively that neither child will eat today’s option (tomato and basil pasta bake (vegetarian!)) and start making packed lunches. Get Middlest child to check weather on my iPhone, and throw out revolting 3 day old remains when I finally find the lunch-boxes.
Quick aside here – I have a degree in pure maths and people always say that you never use maths in real life. Here’s something I found on the Internet, how to make round ham slices fit into rectangular bread. I also realised that Eldest ate the last egg and had put six on to boil, keeping an eye on the time. Now I turn them down and note the time so they get a twenty minute simmer.
Not quite sure what happened to the time, but the lunches are being stuffed into bags, and we’ve missed the bus. I fish the eggs out of the boiling water and into cold water and get ready to put my boots on and go. Feel a bit weird so eat some chocolate.
Embark on the traditional, Monday morning, shoe-hunt! Finally locate them and Littlest agrees to put them on in the car. The school gates open at 8:50 and close 9:00 so it’s a bit of a race against time to get them in on time. Find a sun hat in the car, which is a bonus but totally forget rain coats (there may be showers today). To be honest, the fact that they’re wearing school uniform is a bit of a miracle!
Success! The end of the race! Our school has a Red Book of Shame (yes it does need capitals) and if you’re late, you must sign in. However, there is a small gap between the doors closing and the registers being returned, so this time we manage to just about sneak in without signing the Red Book. I haven’t checked but I think we probably sign the Book more than most!
That’s the children off to school – now I just have to get breakfast, find pet insurance claim forms, fill them in, find the cat and get her to the vet by 10am!
So, that’s the chaos that happens every day in our house – I’d love to know what you think! And yes, I did write this from memory once I got back from the vet! In all, it was quite a good run, zero tantrums from Littlest, I didn’t have to shout at them, although I did snap a bit when they slowed down and only three minutes late.